Monday, January 28, 2013

WWII Vet Steals My Thunder

So I'm reading the morning paper when this casual headline, "Vet gets whopper of a send-off" catches my eye.  But just because he up and died on January 20 of this year,  David Klime Jr., 88 of  York County had no right to steal one of my most cherished last wishes.

In the article it states that Klime "lived by his own rules."  Big deal, I not only live by my own rules but insist that everybody around me embrace them as well. This guy loved the Burger King whopper, ate one every chance he got and considered the lettuce to be his daily allowance of vegetable intake.
Taco Bell's chili bean burrito is my idea of gourmet cuisine. And besides, I'm getting everything Klime gets without all the bun carbs.  After all, a girl always has to be counting those nasty hip-hugger carbs.

So what does his family do?  They direct the hearse and the rest of the procession to the drive-thru at Burger King for one last sandwich before heading to the cemetery's awaiting black dark hole.  Everybody gets one including Klime who was known to the BK manager by face and order.

Well people, let me tell you that their idea is not original!  Ten years ago when riding in a funeral procession of some beloved relative I loudly announced to my fellow mourners that when my time came I wanted the hearse to go by Taco Bell's drive-thru, order chili bean burritos for everyone and then hand the driver of the last car the bill!  And I wanted them to make certain that the last car in line was one of my brother-in-laws whose wallet squeals when forcibly opened.  He knows who he is.
That would be the happiest day of my life, or in this case the happiest day of my demise.

Although David Klime Jr. stole my thunder,I think my idea is much more laughable, and in the end, I get the last laugh!  And for me that means everything! 

Monday, January 21, 2013

Take a whiff!

If you want to know what someone does just ask them to remove a shoe, hand it to you and permit you take a big fat whiff!  If it smells musty and stale, you can be pretty sure this person is a frumpy college prof who spends a great deal of his time in a dimly-lit library, or is a caregiver at an assisted-living facility.

If, after inhaling deeply you recognize a dank, moldy odor, it's fair to say that he or she spends a lot of time in a basement that repeatedly floods every time it rains, or is a janitor who has the unenviable job of cleaning the football team's locker room.

And, if you smell the strong aroma of something floral, chances are this person is an obssessive-compulsive who is constantly spraying every nook-and-cranny of himself to make doubly sure that he doesn't stink, or is a pale-skinned, formally-dressed funeral director.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the gist of my Monday morning blog.  But alas, if you would indulge me, I have just one more observation to share.

If the insole of this person's shoe reeks of cow dung and horse manure, you've come face-to-face with a Washington, D.C. politician or someone who works at any of the States Capitol buildings. I can't think of another profession that emits a repulsive stench of that magnitude.  Can you?

My advice to you is to keep your nose clean and keep it out of peoples' shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Flu shot or not?

Over the Christmas holiday, we had 14 people staying at our house. The ages ranged from 17mos. to 76 years.  Nine of these folks had the flu shot; five did not.  Yet only three did not contract any flu symptoms.  Two of the three had the shot while one did not.

So, the question remains.  Do you get the flu shot or not?  Since I was one in the no-shot category, and probably had the most severe case one would conclude that the wise thing would be was to have been innoculated.  But wait, my husband, who is in the shot category, was no doubt a second as far as flu severity goes.

Ironically, just a week before Christmas I read an article about this year's batch of vaccine being the best in years since it covered such a wide range of flu strains.  I truly believed I had a better than average chance of not coming down with the flu because of this. 

I'm beginning to think the yearly flu shot campaign is just another scare tactic to dupe the public into paying for something that works minimally at best.  Our health system is more interested in profit-making than in being concerned about our physical well-being.

I'm sick of going to doctors who have no answers to the health problems we present them with.  No matter what the complaint might be, you bet your bippie they will prescribe useless tests that you already know will be inconclusive.  They prescribe medicines that have so many adverse side effects, it's a wonder more of us don't die after taking the first dose. 

Our medical professionals need to get off their high horses and listen to their patients because we certainly know our bodies better than they ever could.  Together we could find the best way of handling our current symptoms and avoid ineffective treatments. 

Flu shot or not?  That's for you and your doctor to decide.