While walking along the path of my life's
journey I've bumped into quite a few people who WILL NOT because they CANNOT
acknowledge their authentic self. If they've helped you in some way, please
don't try to extend a thank-you, their embarrassment is palpable. God forbid
should you compliment them on a job well-done, or for exhibiting a certain
skill or talent since they find praise to be excruciatingly mortifying,
adamantly refusing positive recognition directed towards themselves in any way,
shape, or form.
Why. I wondered, do such individuals find it so difficult to
embrace their worth? Perhaps they’ve experienced a dysfunctional and abusive
childhood, maybe they were immersed in misconstrued ethical beliefs from the get-go,
and then there's always the possibility they shy away from praise of any kind
because of the responsibilities attached to paying it forward.
I surmise these bewildered souls have been inundated with many an
age-old adage during their developmental years:
·
Children
should be seen and not heard
·
Listen
to your elders
·
Do
what I say not what I do
·
You’ll
never amount to anything
·
Pride
cometh before the fall
·
Blah,
blah, blah!
After hearing these and other mandates over an extended period of
time, acceptance of positive feedback for one’s innate or acquired aptitudes
and talents is understandably insufferable, actually painful in many cases.
Troubled souls such as I’ve mentioned are labeled in our society as
suffering from low self-esteem, lacking in self-confidence and unable to
function normally, let alone being capable of embracing who and what they are.
There are those who believe that without ‘professional help’ their chances of
living a happy life seem obscure.
Now don’t get me wrong, yes ‘professional help’ is not only
appropriate for many who are mentally and emotionally afflicted, but indeed
necessary. Yet there are others who on their own can realize the existence of
their personal value and relish in it.
Here’s an easy exercise I’ve happened upon that can produce
wonders in changing how one views himself or herself:
Look into a mirror, staring directly into your eyes, in search of
the ‘real you’. While doing so, visualize all the people who have contributed
to your well-being: parents, grandparents, family, friends, neighbors, fellow
workers, etc. Remember the times you were appreciated by them, taught by them,
loved by them. Allow yourself to experience the feelings you’ve had when in
their presence. Accept the compliments paid you for trying something new, or
perfecting a skill you’ve worked on for a considerable amount of time. See the
smiles of approval on their faces regarding your determination and grit to
succeed. And lastly and most importantly, listen to their words of praise
rightly bestowed upon you for the steps you’ve taken towards becoming your
authentic self.
Continue doing this simple yet beneficial practice, and over time,
I promise you will begin to see who and what you are in a positive light, you
will come to realize you have been blessed with and developed unique qualities
and talents, and you will finally be able to acknowledge your personal
attributes with humility and grace, no longer embarrassed or mortified when
recognized.
Embracing your worth isn’t a sin of pride, but rather a
celebration of the valuable YOU you have become! And the best way to thank all
who have contributed to your evolution is to do so happily!
One of the poems in my debuted anthology of verse ‘Soul-Powered
Poetry: From the Gates of Heaven to the Depths of Hell’ is entitled, ‘Behind
the Smile’ which addresses the devastation and ultimate demise of a sad, weary
young girl who never embraces her worth and therefore never discovers her
authentic self. I present it here for your consideration:
Behind
the Smile
The
smile…
Real or fake,
Fluid or forced,
Innate or contrived,
Dead or alive?
There…no,
there!
Did
you see her,
The
girl behind the smile?
Caught
just a glimpse,
I know she was there
Hard
to see her,
That
wall’s in the way.
A
wall I’ve tried climbing
A
million times before,
And,
most likely,
A
million times more
I
wonder why I try.
I
know I’ve heard her cry,
At
least once,
That’s
why.
Is
she in pain,
Bloodied
and bruised,
Ashamed,
Horribly
abused?
Will
she come out?
Would
she if she could?
Or
stay hidden
Acting
as she SHOULD?
Misery
loves company
So,
it’s been said,
In
her case though
Company
causes dread.
Keep
it collected, Peering
below
Don’t
let it show To
my guarded delight,
What
would they think? The girl behind the smile
They
can’t ever know. Is
directly in sight.
How
awful was life Will
she run?
Causing
her to hide? Will
she stay?
Who
ripped out her tongue? Drop
myself down,
For her own good,
they lied! That’s
the only way.
What clouded her
mind I sit beside her,
Making thoughts
obscure? A
few feet away
How many
wrongs Staring
intently
Was she forced to
endure? With
nothing to say.
Listen…you
hear that? Her eyes fill with
tears,
A
whimper, weak, small Her
lips quiver some.
Can’t
be ignored though, Four
words she speaks
I
must climb that wall. ‘Why have you come?’
I’ll take my chances ‘You live in darkness
Aware I could fall No sun nor warmth No second glances Hiding
from people
For
Death takes us all. Your
plight, your worth.
From your prison within
One
step up, I
promise to lead you
I’ve
come to free you Out
of the hell you burn in.’
Slide
down two,
Try
again, The
girl behind the smile
I’m
not through. Remains
where she sits,
Cold
and withdrawn,
One
step more, Finally
she quits.
Slip
to the ground,
Search
for a door Not
another word
But
no door is found. Though I linger awhile
Up
for a third time, Despite
all my tries
They
say, ‘that’s the charm. The
girl behind the smile
Nearing
the top now,
Don’t
trip her alarm. Dies.
