Monday, July 29, 2013


Today's Monday and time for me to post something zippy on my blog.  I'm a writer.  I put words on paper that people read.  Sometimes they like what I write and sometimes they don't.  But, at least they read what I write.  Today is Monday and I got NOTHING! NIL! NADA! ZILCH!  Blank as an unwritten check!  CLUELESS!

How could this be?  If I'm a writer, I have to be able to write, right?  Doctors just don't stop taking care of the sick because they can't think of what to do, right?  Plumbers just don't stop fixing leaky pipes because they can't remember what an "elbow" is, right?  Chefs just don't stop cooking because they forgot how to turn on the gas, right?  Sooooooo, if I'm a writer, I've got to write something.  After all, today is Monday, right?

I'm thinking.  Still thinking.  Raising my head and searching my mind log.  Staring out the window.
Watching my dog lick herself.  Looking at the lamp I bought yesterday and wondering why I paid 50 bucks for that piece of crap!  Hoping my in-grown toe nail stops hurting.  Still thinking.  Scratching my ear even though it's not itchy.  Watching my dog scratch her ear.  Wondering if her ear was really itchy.  Still thinking.  Wishing I could lose the 8lbs. I lost 2months ago.  Actually, wishing I could lose the 8lbs. I lost 2 months ago plus the 4 extra pounds added in the past 3 weeks. Hearing my husband fart while reading the morning paper sitting in the chair next to me. Trying to pass a stinkier fart to get even.  Studying the dust specks floating through the air.  Thinking they might be remnants of my husband's fart. Trying to remember how old my three adult children are.  Maybe 44, 43, & 35, but not really sure.  Who cares anyhow?  I have trouble remember my own age let alone worrying how old they are.  I don't need any added pressures at my age whatever it is!  Speculating how old people have sex. I guess as long as they leave the lights off and have a fertile imagination and the important parts are in relatively good working order, they could have a very satisfying experience. Since I'm not sure of my age, and don't think I'm classified as "old" yet, I'll worry about this matter when I'm older.

Well, you can't say I didn't give it my all.  Today is Monday but I can't think of a single thing to write.  I'm CLUELESS!

Monday, July 8, 2013

HE Who Laughs...LASTS!

When was the last time you laughed?  No, I don't mean a slight chuckle or a little hee-haw.  I'm talking about an out-n-out hardy, loud and long laugh that puts tears in your eyes and fire in your belly! 

And what is it that makes you laugh?  A cartoon, a joke, a comedian, a memory?

And why all this sudden concern about laughter anyway you ask?

In my constant efforts to shed those nasty hip and thigh bulges I've had since the beginning of time, I happened upon a new plan called "The Digest Diet."  Along with the usual motivation to be positive, think of this as a changing life style, and "if I can do it, you can, too" promise, this regiment requires laughter.  Almost on every page, the words, "don't forget to laugh" appear in bold font.  Since no other diet I ever tried insisted that I laugh many times daily, I decided to explore the reasoning behind this strange directive further.

A plethora of studies have shown that laughter is truly a curative medicine.  It relieves stress, lowers blood pressure, increases good cholesterol, and, in some cases, has been a factor in killing cancer cells.

Laughter can effect brain function as well.  A considerable amount of mental acuity is needed to understand the implications of a joke, interpret the meaning behind a silly cartoon, and translate what is going on in a hilarious film.  Funny how we never even considered what a rigorous workout our minds get simply by laughing.

I don't believe I've ever made a conscious effort to plan to laugh.  I just laugh when I find things to be funny.  To actually set laughter as a top priority in my daily schedule, I would never have imagined it.  But it makes perfect sense. If only to achieve that "feel good" sensation that laughing provides, it definitely is worth my time.  Raising endorphin levels purposefully and continually I raise the health of both my body and my mind immeasurably! And, who knows, I might just slenderize my hips and thighs, too!

Finally, the old adage of "he who laughs last laughs longest " might have a deeper meaning than we realized.  "He Who Laughs...LASTS!" just might be the most powerful incentive to make laughter a repetitive ritual in our daily lives for the rest of our lives however long that may be!

Monday, July 1, 2013

An "F-Bomb" Explosion!

I went to see "The Heat" this weekend with my hubby and some friends.  For two hours the f-bomb was dropped at least 200 times if not more.  Normally I would have been greatly offended and perhaps even walked out and asked for a refund.  But Melissa McCarthy had the entire audience howling so loud from the get-go that, believe it or not, some of those four-letter words were actually inaudible. Her character "Shannon Mullins" was a "take-no-shit" cop from the lower side of Boston.  She interacted daily with the dregs of society whose words and actions seeped into her very being like the oxygen she breathed.  Her choice of words were simply the result of who she was, where she was and what she did.

Her family was hardcore, foul-mouthed, beer-drinking Irishmen who pummeled her with profanities from the moment she walked through the door of her childhood home until she slammed that very same door shut after a heated argument about the arrest of a sibling. How could she throw her baby brother in jail?  "Shannon," was for all practical purposes, dead to her family, and as far as she was concerned, she really didn't give a f........!

Sandra Bullock played the uptight, rule-abiding FBI agent, who because of circumstance ends up partnering with McCarthy.  "Sarah Ashburn" was utterly shocked by the language, mannerisms, and outright disregard for department policy "Mullins" exhibited at every turn.  No matter how much Bullock tried, her attempts to smooth McCarthy's rough edges repeatedly fell on deaf ears.

From only using the letter "F" when referring to that disgusting term at the beginning of the flick, "Ashburn" towards the end, vehemently spews the f-bomb in a wild tirade of curse words at the police big shots when her partner's character is being unmercifully assassinated.  Her choice of words changed dramatically as the result of who she became, where she was and what she did.  In the end, "Sarah" stated that "Shannon" was the best cop she had ever worked with and was proud to call her friend.

Despite what you might think, this is not a review of  "The Heat."  Whether or not you see this movie is of no matter to me.  Although if you elect to bypass it, you'll be missing out on a "laugh-a-minute" "teachable moment" worthwhile story. 

The f-bombs were used, not to disrespect or shock, but to portray a realistic picture of the life lead by the people who use such language the way we use "OMG" "CRAP" or "DAMN."  These words are much more acceptable to us because these are the ones said by our families, in our neighborhoods, at our workplaces, etc. By interacting with decent, hard-working, church-going folks, their words and actions seep into our very being like the oxygen we breathe. Our choice of words are the result of who we are, where we come from and what we do.

Lastly,  a few words on the Paula Dean, "N" word fiasco.  "OMG", Paula was born and raised in the South!  "CRAP", she said the "N" word twenty some years ago! And, "Damn" smearing her reputation and possibly ruining her entire career just isn't enough punishment for such abhorrent behavior!

Come on, people, let's open our minds and our hearts to the realities of life for each and every one of us. None of our realities are the same.  None of us speak and act the same. Try to understand that. 

We could all learn that very valuable lesson from "The Heat" in theaters now!