Are You Kidding Me?

Over the weekend, I read an article where scientists are very close to being able to tell folks whether or not they'll be stricken with Alzheimer's disease when they hit their 70's. According to them, a simple blood test is all that it will take to let someone in their 30's know what their fate will be in later life.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Who in the hell wants to know they'll become mindless shells of a human being in their golden years when in their prime? So a first date might go something like this, "Hi, you look great tonight. Going to dinner will give us a chance to get to know each other better. I need to gain as much info. as I can now, since I've been tested for Alzheimer's and have been told I'll be afflicted with this terrible disease in the future."

"Hey, wait, where are you going? We haven't even discussed what type of food we're hungry for yet. I know a great Italian place a few blocks from here. Stop, I can't catch up with you. I'm having chest pains I'm having difficulty breathing.."

Heart attacks are not uncommon in young people when overstressed and constantly choosing pastas with rich creamy sauces and fatty meatballs. Well, at least he doesn't have to worry about suffering from Alzheimer's anymore!

Seriously, why would anyone want to know that they will be victims of this debilitating illness when they haven't yet enjoyed life to the fullest. Imagine their mindset. Thinking about what they will eventually endure can only minimize their quality of life to the point of deep depression and demoralization. The ability to form lasting relationships would be greatly compromised. Suicide would constantly be in their thoughts as a way of escape from the inevitable.

I'm 70 and thankfully still have my wits about me. So for now, taking a blood test to confirm the onslaught of Alzheimer's is out of the question. If defined symptoms of this disease would begin to pop up, that's when I'd decide whether or not to subject myself to science. And I really don't know if I'd want to know even then. Maybe just living every moment of every day no matter what my bodily and mental state might be, is enough for me.

Does my thinking seem selfish to you? What about my children? Who will have to shoulder the responsibility of caring for me? Listen, I have a right to be selfish. I've been selfless all these years tending to my family. I gave up a career early in my marriage to raise my three children. I could haved placed them in daycare and pursued my aspirations, but I didn't. I could have left the household duties to a cleaning service, but I didn't. I could have let my own mother live in a deteriorating area, but I didn't. I invited her to live with us and she did so comfortably for twenty years. I've put the needs of others before my own my entire life, and guess what? Doing so brought me more happiness than you could ever imagine.

Who will take care of me should I develop Alzheimer's? A nursing home designated primarily for Alzheimer's patients, that's who. I would never expect my children or grandchildren to be saddled with such an insipid situation. I wouldn't want them to shoulder guilt about putting me away, and would not want them to visit me regularly. Once a year bringing a pint of ice cream would do nicely.

Being aware of an existing blood test at the age of 70 for Alzheimer's is the time to deal with the possibility and not a second before. To know sooner is absolutely crazy! Who in their right mind would even consider such a ridiculous burden they'd have to carry for a lifetime!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Happy Hawaiian Christmas

From the title of this post, you'd probably think I'm in the Pacific sipping pineapple margaritas and nibbling on the nuts I love but can't remember what they're called. Well you'd be wrong. I'm actually in my living room about to go on a bus excursion to Latrobe, PA for an early lunch and a Hawaiian Christmas show. Since most of the people going are seniors, early lunch is mandatory. Oh, macadamians, that's what they're called. Not sure of the spelling at the moment though, but if you give me a while I'm sure I'll remember.

Don't know what's on the menu, however I'm looking forward to lunch. When you're my age, you'll eat anything that's put in front of you. If and when I'm carted off to a nursing home, I'll be a model resident. Clean my food tray, hold my bowels until I'm on the potty, and nap away the afternoon. After dinner, I'll repeat this sequence and be good til morning.

Oh yeah, the Christmas show. With it being a two hour performance, I hope it's loud and energetic. If not, a lot of the audience will either be taking a number of bathroom breaks or nodding off periodically. We're not rude, well not as often as you might imagine, but we're easily bored. Loud and energetic keeps us focused and engaged.

I hear there are going to be topless men girating around on stage with fire in their eyes and in their hands. Sounds like a party to me! Oh, I suppose there will be women, too, but I really don't care what they'll be doing. I'm not positive, but I doubt they'll be topless. Even if they were, I really wouldn't be watching them except maybe to see if any are more endowed than yours truly. Actually most women are more endowed than yours truly, but that's what padded bras are for, right?

Once the show is over, our group is going to some kind of cafe for hot chocolate and a potty break. That should take at least an hour or so. Forty seniors going to pee eats up a ton of time. Just pulling our pants up and down requires the eye-hand coordination we're somewhat lacking in now. Hey, when we were in our prime, pulling our pants up and down was a cinch. Maybe because we did it frequently and NOT JUST TO GO TO THE POTTY!

Our last stop is at the Overly Christmas lights display. We'll oooo and aaaaaaaah from the bus and then be dumped off to mill around on our own for another hour or so. I don't know what the tour director is thinking, but letting forty seniors wander around by themselves in a huge, unfamiliar area is MADNESS! Hey, I'm not the one that's going to be responsible for rounding them up, so I really don't give a damn!

If we all make it home and at this point it's questionable, we'll have had a great day and night of holiday cheer. At least that's what we'll tell everybody. Can't really say that we'll remember the entire sequence of events, but assuredly we'll know we had lunch and how many times we went to potty!

Happy Hawaiian Christmas, aloha!

I HATE BLACK FRIDAY!

Maybe if Black Friday sales actually occurred on that day, I would be inclined to participate. But, Black Friday promos were going on four weeks before November 28. I purchased several gifts 10 days prior to BF at the same prices listed during the 'event'.

I was at the check-out counter at K-mart on BF (not for a sales item) and overheard a couple having a bit of a tiff about where they were headed next to get the best buys. The woman was adamant about continuing to shop, while the man was spewing disgust loud enough for me to hear. I turned and asked where she'd planned to go after K-mart, but before she could say anything, her hubby said with clenched teeth, "I HATE BLACK FRIDAY!" Although in my mind women are usually right when dealing with marital conflict, in this case I had to agree with the husband. "I HATE BLACK FRIDAY!"

The hype for BF begins right after Halloween and intensifies with each passing day. You simply can't avoid the frantic build-up because you're hit with media pitches from every angle. TV, newspapers, flyers, and internet ads are relentless. Every commercial, newspaper ads, and digital pop-ups reflect images of items you and yours can't do without this Christmas. After being brainwashed for that length of time, you find yourself purchasing things that weren't on ANYBODY'S LIST! Crazy, huh?

I have decided to begin a protest to ban BF. For heaven's sake, let's enjoy our Thanksgiving dinner without chomping on the bit to be first in line for the 6:00p.m. BF kick-off at most retail stores. Are you with me? Come on, people, you're being railroaded and perhaps because of all the turkey and trimmings we consumed, our brains are totally muddled, incapable of logical thought. Let's rise up and take back our ability to make choices based on need and want rather than on seemingly discouted prices. There is no such thing as a steal, unless of course you're in the business of highway robbery!

Furthermore, the junk that is being peddled to us and our kids these days is deplorable! Plastic, unimaginative crap is being tauted as a top ten item every child must have under their tree this holiday. We, the parents and grandparents, spend countless hours in search of whatever it is the kids must have only to see them unwrap and play with these gifts for 10 minutes, and then return to their wireless devices and favorite games.

If we can't see how ridiculous this yearly event is by now, let me remind you that today is CYBER MONDAY! You don't want to miss out on all the great deals being offered not only for the next 24 hours, but probably until December 24!

I HATE BLACK FRIDAY! I HATE CYBER MONDAY! AND I'M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO THOSE OF YOU WHO DISAGREE!

Christmas, BAH, HUMBUG!

According to my calculations, Black Friday SHOULD be on November 28 this year. But au contrair my friends. Leaks of the Black Friday's circulars from every major store have been abounding for the past three weeks. Not only that, but you can get Black Friday online specials as we speak.

Right after if not before the turkey has been devoured, stores will be opened at 6:00p.m. and remain so round the clock until the weekend is officiallly over. There are Thursday sales, Black Friday events, and of course, Cyber Monday phnomenal prices online.

Now if all of this hasn't caused your anxiety levels to go through the roof,  try to compare prices on those items your family members MUST HAVE this holiday. Every store claims they have the lowest prices yet when you check them out, most are the same as their competitors, and in some cases even higher.

 Free shipping is dangled in front of your weary eyes, but that too, comes with a hitch. You've got to spend a certain amount BEFORE free shipping can be attained. I think the only store to give free shipping no matter what your total happens to be is Target. Now I don't work for Target or own stock in the company, I'm just giving you the benefit of my long, frustration search at not cost!

So on and on it goes: searching, comparing, purchasing, exchanging only to find out a week before Christmas that your three year old grandson doesn't want Thomas the Train escape from the avalanche set any more! You throw your hands in the air and begin the process all over again. But most of the hot items no longer grace the shelves and are out of stock online. If in fact you do find his new obsession, you'll have to pay through the nose to purchase it.

When all is said and done and the presents are wrapping and piled under the glowing lights of the beautifully-decorated fir tree, you can finally breath a deserved sigh of relief.

As the family gathers, you distribute the gifts with a certain pride and feeling of accomplishment. Within minutes the wrappings are ripped off, the boxes are opened, a few words of appreciation are mumbled, and a number of disappointed statements are articulated very distinctly. The adults are a little more discreet in their comments, but the kids tell it like it is. "This isn't what I wanted," or "he got more than I did," or "This thing is stupid!" rings through your ears like the scratching of finger nails on a chalkboard.

After tossing their MUST HAVE gifts to the side, the kids don their winter gear and head out to sled ride without even so much as a backward glance at all your hard work and effort you've extented to make their dreams come true.

Need I go on? I don't think there's anything more to be said except, now everybody say it with me,
"CHRISTMAS, BAH, HUMBUG!"

THE ZOMBEES ARE HERE!

The article about the zomBEES in my morning paper just blew me away. It seems that parasitic flies, the A. borealis are injecting worker bees with their eggs. When the larvae emerge, they feast on the insides of the bees, leaving them lifeless, only their shells remaining.

This got me thinking about last week's elections. Months before any votes were cast, political wanna-Bees were injecting us, the workers in this country, with their idealistic eggs of change. A vote for them was a vote for our economic and educational advancement. If they were victorious, naturally our lives would reap an abundance of wealth and knowledge. Seemed like a win-win situation for everybody!

But before we start banking our windfall and spouting words of wisdom, we'd better wait until the newly-elected larvae hatch. And you can bet your bottom dollar, it won't be long before these worms begin eating away at our income and our hopes for a smarter America.

Political promises are easily made, but rarely kept. Politicians can and will say anything to get our votes. Unfortunately once elected, they develop a severe case of amnesia usually lasting throughout their tenure. The only vow they seem to embrace is the one that puts power in their hands and money in their pockets.

How could we have been so dumb to have been taken in by these parasites? The answer is relatively easy. Since July we've been bombarded with media ads defaming the characters and actions of the men and women running for office. As the elections drew nearer, the ads grew in number and the nastiness. As time went on, we became zombies regarding these false claims. We saw them with our eyes, but became devoid of thought and resolution. The candidates we viewed more often, were the ones that would ultimately get our votes.

Little if any change will occur. Promises of jobs will be forgotten, taxes for education will rise, but won't be spent on our children, and our trust in the political process will again be compromised.

The insatiblity of the elected larvae will gnaw away at our insides until they've fully engorged themselves. And once again, we'll be left lifeless of hope, only shells of our former selves.

We've become ZOMBEES! And we have nobody to blame but ourselves!

VERY FUNNY!

So one of those Facebook tests popped up yesterday. I enjoy taking them to see what kind of dog I am, what my quick IQ is, what kind of mother I am, etc. The title of this one was How good is your sense of humor?

The test was comprised of 16 questions. My job was to determine which were funny and which were not. I'm not going to disclose any of the queries because I don't want to give you a heads-up if you should decide to try this one. I have to say a few were tricky, but for my part I thought most were hilarious.

Drum roll, please!  My score was, are you ready for this?  You sure?  Okay, the score for how good my sense of humor is was 99.9%. Oh, yeah, baby, a freakin .001 degree off from PERFECT!

So you think just being in my presence will tickle your belly and make your ribs hurt? Certainly!

So you can't believe somebody is that funny and if by chance they were, so why aren't they doing comedy for a living?  I am, I'm just NOT GETTING PAID FOR IT!

Having a great sense of humor has so many benefits to mind, body, and soul. At age 70, my mind is always churning, finding the 'funny' in everything no matter how serious the topic. When my father-in-law was laid out in the funeral home, I questioned why he was giving us the 'cold shoulder'!

So I'm a little overweight. If I don't care, WHY IN THE HELL SHOULD YOU? I can do most everything I could do 50 years ago except run as fast and do the split. Actually I wasn't very fast then either, and I COULDN'T DO A SPLIT even if there had been a sizable payout involved!

Oh, boy, and has my soul ever benefited from being blessed with a great sense of humor! I'm Catholic yet I'm so happy in spirit that going to confession has been OUT OF THE QUESTION for twenty years! If I'm a sinner, THAT'S NEWS TO ME. I speak no evil and hear no evil. As far as seeing any evil, well other than admitting to watching a little hanky-panky once in a while, I just KEEP MY EYES CLOSES if evil comes a knocking!

A sense of humor is a blessing. If you've been given this talent, you're expected to use it. Making people laugh restores their positive energies and keeps them healthy. Making people laugh does exactly the same thing for the humorist.

Playing the fool isn't for everybody. After all, if everybody had a 'funny bone', whom would I be able to make fun of? Serious folks provide folks like me with a treasure load of one liners on a daily basis.Thanks, TIGHT ASSES, I truly appreciate you!

How good is your sense of humor? didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. The things that come out of my mouth are never scripted, they just pop out of my inner self unfiltered. I never intend to insult or embarrass anybody, but it what I say comes across negatively I don't apologize. Again, it's not because I'm mean, it's because I am who I am, FUNNY, VERY FUNNY!

I think the test got it wrong though, 99.9% humorous? If I'm not 100% FUNNY which I know for a fact that I am, then I'm not funny at all!

AND I AM FUNNY, VERY FUNNY, VERY, VERY FUNNY!

SIMPLY AMAZING!

If you didn't see the Steelers/Colts game yesterday, you missed a simply amazing execution of offensive excellence led by Ben Roethlisberger and his awesome line. The defense wasn't too shabby either although they gave up 34 points.

What was so great was that even with a record of 4-3 going into yesterday's game, the Steeler's wins were lackluster and hardly memorable. But I guarantee you that last night's game will go down in franchise history. Let's see: 1. Ben won his 100th game, 2. He set an NFL record of having two 500+yards games which no one else had ever done including Brady and Manning. 3. He scored 6 touchdowns which had never been accomplished by any Steeler's quarterback before.

Another aspect of note was that everybody that was healthy had a hand in this phenomenal show of teamwork. Both Todd Haley and Dick LeBeau came up with strategies that were well-planned and well-executed. In the past, Haley used run, run, pass, which often led to three and out. Yesterday, the mix of plays included short and long passes, runs by both Bell and Blount, and involvement by every WR on the roster. Pouncey and Miller along with the entire offensive line kept Big Ben on his feet, not allowing one sack the entire game. LeBeau replaced his down-the-field defense with an in-our-face blitz time and time again. Andrew Luck was hit and sacked on just about every snap. His dirty uniform was testament to how well Timmons, Keisel, Worilds, Shazier, and Heyward played. If I failed to mention anybody else instrumental in keeping Luck down, please forgive me.

Hats off to the guys who've been on the team for ten or more years. Heath Miller, Brett Keisel, Troy Polamalu, and James Harrison were in rare form. The relatively new players, Brown, Bryant, Wheaton, and Moats sizzled. The interceptions by William Gay and Antwon Blake were sensational. And certainly last, but far from not least, head coach,Mike Tomlin, your determination to keep moving forward is perhaps the most important element of all. When times are good, you remind the team that the season isn't over, and when times are bad, you remind the team  that the SEASON ISN'T OVER! A steady hand always rights the course.

I've been a Steelers fan for over 50 years. In the 70's, and 80's yesterday they played with the same intensity that they did during those eras in which they were Super Bowl Champs four times. In 2006 and then again in 2009, they captured their fifth and sixth rings, the only team in NFL history to do that.

Yesterday I got the feeling we were back to the Steelers of Old. Their play and attitude made me feel young again. My enthusiasm was over the moon. I love this team with my whole heart. I am involved in every play and at the end of every game win or lose, I'm totally exhausted!

Yesterday you guys were SIMPLY AMAZING!  Thanks for taking this old lady back to a time in her youth when those Steelers were SIMPLY AMAZING, too!  love ya'll