Monday, May 5, 2014

Old Mice, Young Blood

So I'm reading the Trib this morning, and lo and behold, the answer to the fountain of youth smacks me right between the eyes!  According to research done at the University of California, San Francisco, and Harvard, two prestigious higher learning establishments, the brains of old mice are greatly rejuvenated by injecting the blood of young mice into them.  The aged rodents get stronger, can exercise longer, and become more mentally acute.  

At age 70, if I'm to believe this medical phenomenon, I need to go out, find some youngsters, persuade them to donate a pint of their blood for my much-needed remake, and I'm good to go for another twenty to thirty years of pumping iron, running marathons, and pursuing the ever-elusive Ph.D. in abnormal psychology.  I just can't believe my good fortune!

No, in all seriousness, I can't believe it.  First of all, drinking the blood of humans to live forever only truly happens in the movies.  I've never been a fan of vampire flicks and doubt very much such creatures ever existed.

Secondly, who in their right mind wants to live past let's say one hundred?  Your family and your best friends have left this valley of tears long ago, and you have nothing in common with the society in which you currently find yourself.  People and their lifestyles have drastically changed, and I would guess, not always for the better.  So here you are, fit as a fiddle, smarter than a whip, and alone in mind, body, and, most importantly, soul.  You don't agree with present day politics, not that you ever did, and realize you still can't make a significant difference in local, state, and federal governing unless you join forces which is against every fiber of your rejuvenated being.

And thirdly, although you're stronger, faster, and smarter, one look in the mirror horrifies you!  The road map of wrinkles etched across your face, along with sagging eyelids, and drooping jowls makes you draw back in disgust.  How could I become so ugly, when what seems like only yesterday, I was a hot chick! But because of your newly-acquired mental acuity you realize that "yesterday" was sixty-some years ago, and your good looks are definitely a thing of the past.

After careful analysis of the research mentioned above, I've concluded that no matter how many Bloody Marys I might be offered to enhance my aged brain, I will most certainly abstain.  My life has been the result of the choices I've made, whether or not they've been the best, but they've been MY choices.  I've enjoyed every minute and wouldn't have changed most of that time.  The few things I wish could have evolved differently were totally out of my control.

Getting old isn't the worse thing that can happen to a person.  Getting old and regretting the life you've chosen to live IS!