CLINTON, WALKER, BUSH, SANTORUM, RUBIO, HUCKABEE AND EVEN TRUMP! Why shouldn't BARNETT throw her hat (doesn't own one) into the ring, I ask? Hell, I fall in the same age range, I know as much if not more about politics than any of these bumpsters, and I can orate far better than any of them!
To be honest, I believe my motivations for such a high honor are less than honorable though! I want to be president so I can live in the White House, sleep in the bed where ultimate power sleeps, eat meals prepared by famous culinary geniuses, walk across the front lawn in my barefeet, and jet across the world to meet Heads of State, shake hands and accept luxurious gifts from them, and return home feeling completely satisfied with my day's efforts.
I want my hubby, children, and grandchildren to brag about me constantly. I want my neighbors green with envy, my friends friendlier than ever before, and my enemies wishing my hair would fall out!
I want to make life-changing decisions for millions of folks on a whim, and never give a second thought to the horrible consequences that follow. I want to tell people how much I care about their troubles and promise to correct everyone of them in a matter of months. And of course, I want all of these snooks to believe every word I say!
No matter how many 'mistakes' I make, I want the populace to forgive and forget, and revere me for my courage. I want to select people for government positions that will agree with me on every decision I make, and be willing to lie to protect my credibility should the situation ever go south.
When my exemplary service is over, I want monuments erected in my honor, and a library built containing every word I've uttered, and every sentence I've written. I want a lifetime pension, Secret Service protection by the most handsome of men, and the undying respect of every man, woman, and child on the planet.
You may think I should be ashamed of myself for not being more like the politicians I've mentioned at the top of my post, but I'm not. They may have lofty ambitions, promise to fight for the poor and downtrodden, and seek justice for all. They may be better qualified for the job. They may have years and years of experience in Washington.
I know I'm the underdog, but that won't stop me from becoming part of the political scene.And why should it? I can spin unbelievable tales with the best of them. I can tell you what you want to hear, and then do exactly the opposite. I can surround myself with like-minded yes-men and yes-women to further my self-serving agenda along. I do have what it takes to lead our Nation into utter chaos!
BARNETT FOR PRESIDENT 2016! I'm all in. Are you with me? I certainly would appreciate your vote, you dummies!