Hen-to-the Frying Pan Phase: Better known as conception-to-birth usually lasts for approximately 9 months. However no one has been able to collect verifiable date from those who have floated through this phase of humanity since they aren't ALL THERE for a significant part of it!
Dependently-Dependent Phase: For two exasperating years, humans can't do a blessed thing for themselves. You have to feed, clean, dress, amuse, and soothe them without so much as a 'thank-you' heard...EVER during this second phase of existence.
Yakkety-Yak Phase: After anxiously waiting to hear their first words, you now wish they'd just BE QUIET! But, as our wise old pediatrician used to say, "It's only going to get worse before it gets better!"
Out-the-Door Phase: Yahoo! As you drag them kicking and screaming to their first day of school, you realize you are FREE AT LAST, even if it's only for six or seven hours, five days a week. This phase has got to be a personal favorite for a huge chunk of humanity!
Back-in-the-Door Phase: NOW WHAT? They've graduated already? Seems like only yesterday you dragged them kicking and screaming to their first day of school! Here's an idea, find a job, get an apartment, join the service, see the world, etc. No, really, just go!
Living Life Phase: Hopefully the longest segment of a human's existence, this is the time they finally get to do whatever they want, when they want, with whom they want, where they want! Yep, now they can work themselves to the bone, pay their taxes, and complain about everything to folks who could care less about their troubles. LIVING LIFE IS GRAND, AIN'T IT?
Not-All-There Phase: Finally, back to where it all began,though no one has been able to collect verifiable data on those floating through the last phase of humanity, they appear to be without a care in the world since they aren't ALL THERE for a significant part of it!