Monday, April 8, 2013

How Small Can A Toilet Hole Be?

Since I'm due to fly to Carolina next Monday to help out with grandbaby #7, the article in today's paper regarding the overbooking, overcrowding, and overcharging by airlines caught my eye. If, when I get to the airport,  my seat isn't my seat, there will be holy hell to pay.  I get extremely loud and extremely foul-mouthed when I'm angry.

 I got a good deal on my ticket so overcharging isn't an issue unless baggage charges are excessive.

The real concern for me is the overcrowding.  According to the paper, a plane that typically held 120 people now accommodates 150 people.  To do this, the seats are being made smaller and smaller while the rears of Americans get larger and larger. Since I've been dieting for awhile now, I can proudly say that my backside will fit quite nicely in the smaller accommodations.  But, even so, being smashed together like a can of sardines doesn't conjure up my idea of a pleasant flight.  And, like sardines, one must wonder about smell-control.  Ever sit next to someone on a plane that hasn't showered in awhile?  Plus, the added weight to the plane scares me.  How much tonnage can actually ride the skies before enough is just too much?  Freefalling over Charlotte isn't exactly the way I'd planned to make my entrance although it would be a remarkable one if I do say so myself!

Perhaps the most disconcerting element of overcrowding is making the plane's bathroom much smaller than it already is. A smaller restroom means more available passenger seating. Come on, people, so when you have to go, once you've navigated the long line of "goers" and finally get the green light to enter, you'll be in for the most claustrophobic experience of a lifetime.  Perhaps the most panicky panic attack of your entire neurotic history. 

And, how small can they make an already miniscule toilet hole?  Most normal-sized asses barely fit on today's airplane toilets.  Now reduce the size of the toilet hole to the size of a donut hole?  Where do you think all that shit is going to land?  On the floor, silly.  So, not only will we have to wipe ourselves with the sandpaper provided, but we'll need to make an attempt to clean up the floor as well. And, what about the feces on our shoes?  The hell with that.  Most of us will just wash our hands and track the shoe shit through the aisles of the plane.  The shoe shit smell will add to the already existing body odor of the unshowered.  People will inevitably be overcome by the stench and begin to vomit or faint or both.  More money will be spent for more barf bags, clean-up maintenance, and medical staff will be a necessity on every flight.

Are you getting the picture?  More importantly, do the airline bigwigs get it?  Stop trying to squeeze more people on your planes so you can squeeze more moolah into your pockets!  You don't need the problems that this shit will definitely cause, do you?

I'm looking forward to my Charlotte trip.  I hope the restroom specs are still the same as when I flew there a few years ago!  If not, I promise you, some shit will fly!