Monday, September 7, 2015

IN LABOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every Labor Day I'm reminded of the three times I was IN LABOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With Joy, since she was my first, even though I had a spinal and didn't feel anything after that, I thought it was extremely painful and vowed never to have another child as long as I lived. Having a bunch of hemroids certainly had a lot to do with my determined decision.

However thirteen months later I found myself in the same predicament, but with totally different results. My contractions started at 11:00p.m. and at 12:43a.m. my son Barry popped out so quickly I was afraid the doc wouldn't catch him in time! 

Okay so a girl and a boy, done with having kids, right? Oh no, 8 YEARS LATER, I was pregnant once again. Not happy about it, but ready to become a mother for the third and final time!

I was positive I'd told the nurse I wanted a spinal, but somehow that info. didn't transfer to the new person on duty when the shift changed at 6:30a.m. I kept waiting for the shot, but it never came. All of a sudden I was wheeled into the delivery room about to give birth naturally. I had no training in that type of delivery and never imagined what I was in for.

The contradictions increased one hundred fold and I felt every freakin one of them. I started screaming that I needed a shot and the nurse said it was too late for that. That's when I began cursing my husband, the doctor, the nurse, and anybody else I could think of. What galled me the most though, was when the nurse offered my husband a seat to help alleviate HIS STRESS. I wanted to punch both of them right in their midsections to let them feel just a smidget of what I was going through.

As Kristy, my second daughter, was literally being yanked out of me, I actually felt her whole body coming down the birth canal, and was certain my insides were about to come out as well!

When she finally arrived, I wanted to know what the hell just happened. My doctor smiled at me and said I had delivered a beautiful baby girl the natural way. After a few choice words, I looked into her sweet face and decided NO MORE LABOR FOR THIS CHICK, EVER!

So, to all the mom-to-be, and to all the moms that are, I say 'bah-bumbug' to labor, both the kind that involves work for cash, and the kind that involves pain and suffering in order to bring a child into this world who will take everything you have, especially your heart!