In my September 12, 2016 post, 'A Light In The Mourning' I talked about my very dear friend who committed suicide in 2003. Sometime after her passing I wrote this poem which helped me to unburden myself of the awful pain that just wouldn't subside no matter how many times folks offered their condolences. I knew I needed to give a voice to my feelings, and, for me, I do that best by putting words on paper.
I didn't include the poem in my former post because I'd somehow misplaced it, but after a frantic search of all my belongings and a few calls, I managed to secure a copy. I offer it now to anyone who has endured the loss of a loved one to suicide. Never knowing 'why' can be maddening, and never being able to forgive such a horrific act can be damaging to one's wounded spirit. It is my sincere hope that after reading my thoughts, you'll gain some insight into the mind of a suicidal victim and begin to accept it, perhaps forgive it even.
In the blackness of night,
She writhes in unspeakable pain.
Her demons screeching out obscenities
Leaving her tormented soul defeated,
Without hope or friend,
She ends her life.
In the early mourning
We cry rivers of tears,
Wail in deafening pitch,
Sustain crushing blows
To heart and spirit,
Drained, we turn stone cold.
We hate her for this dastardly act,
Cursing her decision to inflict agony.
But not for precious memories,
We might hold her forever in contempt,
Wishing her eternal suffering,
In time, God only knows how long,
Laughing like hyenas,
Talking about how to live,
Dancing to life’s rhythms,
Singing in perfect harmony.
Then, somewhere in the morning,
An incredible light appears.
Trembling we draw closer'
And although never seen before,
This radiance is familiar,
Intuitively, we recognize her glow.
It warms our hearts,
Eases our minds,'
Lifts our burdens,
Genuinely loves us.
And in the light of the mourning,
We sense the 'why' of it.
Enlightened in our grief,
We come to respect her choice.
For her, it was the right choice,
The only one even.
Every second we live, we choose life or death,
And the choices we make,
Are the right ones for us at the time.
Though we may never understand hers,
One day, perhaps, we'll accept it,
Forgive it even.
My prayers for all who ended their lives way too soon and for all of those who loved them.